Bereavement and loss
There is increasing concern about the emotional needs of children and young people experiencing bereavement and loss. There is also evidence that children and young people who have experienced the death of a parent are at increased risk of developing mental health problems. Without appropriate help with the process of grieving and adjustment, bereaved children may be at increased risk of developing further ongoing difficulties. They will look to the adults in their lives to provide support and understanding. Their immediate family may not be able to provide this because of the overwhelming nature of the loss.
Grieving
Bereaved children are often coping with a flood of confusing emotions and many associated changes and losses in their lives. These may include:
- an initial stunned/shocked phase
- a mourning phase, during which the bereaved person experiences sadness, distress, irritability, a preoccupation with the person who has died and sometimes hallucinatory experiences
- acceptance and readjustment.
In some cases, grief may be delayed or inhibited; in others, the grief reaction may develop into depression or other physical and mental health difficulties.
It is helpful to realise that there is no 'grieve by date' for children or adults. Similarly there is no 'closure' but rather a continuing bond that may develop with the deceased. The reality is that there may a be sudden temporary upsurge of grief - on anniversaries or just out of the blue - particularly for children who may only process the reality of the loss slowly.
The sadness and realisation of what has been lost and the implications for the future may continue to grow throughout life. Grief does not ‘go away’ and we do not 'get over' it. Powerful feelings can be associated with the realisation of what is not going to happen in the future as a consequence of these changes and losses.
We may however feel that these changes and losses become more manageable as time goes by and that our life can be taken up with other experiences; we may develop further relationships and strategies to help cope and the relative size of the grief may seem smaller in relation to the other areas of life as it continues.
Responses that vary with age
Adults supporting children and young people must be aware of and sensitive to the different developmental needs and variations in their responses to loss, depending on their age when the loss occurred.
For example, children are most likely to display indirect responses such as:
- withdrawal
- sleep disruption
- stealing
- attention seeking
- eating problems.
However the child or young person expresses his or her grief, it is important that a sympathetic adult is available who will listen and support the process of:
- accepting the loss
- dealing with the pain
- adjusting to life without the person lost
- emotionally moving on.
Things that can help in the immediate aftermath of a significant loss
Bereaved children and their families say that they need:
- information and education to understand death and what it means to them
- communication to be encouraged to talk honestly with one another
- to understand and express their grief
- to meet others and share similar experiences
- opportunities to remember the person who has died.
PDF File:Childhood Bereavement Network - Policy Briefing on Childhood Bereavement (183KB)
Comfort from family members, teachers and others with whom a pupil has a positive relationship is a major help in itself. It is essential that they get honest information about the circumstances in plain everyday language, allowing the pupil to ask questions. Historically, children might have been excluded from the grieving process in order to ‘spare their feelings’. They need to be included, along with other family members and the wider community. This can include attending the funeral service. Children need to be provided with information to make informed choices about their level of involvement.
In school
- Liaison with the family is important in order to support a pupil and to find out whether there are factors that could have particular repercussions for them in school.
- In most instances an early return to school is best and ideally should be planned in consultation with the family and with the headteacher.
- Consult with the child and family to discover what measures need to be taken to support the child’s return to school.
- Meet regularly with the child to review and alter these measures as time progresses, as the child's needs will change.
- Returning to school and facing people will be hard for many children.
- It helps to be aware that some may be harbouring worries about the well-being of surviving family members and be reluctant to separate from them.
- It is very possible that the pupil may regress to an earlier stage of development and underperform in class. Allowance needs to be made for the fact that concentration may be disturbed and there may be poorer retention of information.
- Patience and gentle encouragement to engage in normal work and school routines is recommended.
- School may be a predictable and safe place in the minds of most pupils and as a teacher you have many inherent skills that place you in an ideal position to support your pupil.
- If a pupil is indicating a need to talk and share feelings - try to make the time. With a busy class to look after it may not be possible to take time there and then but perhaps you could appoint a time free from distractions.
- For some pupils simply knowing that someone is aware of what they are experiencing is profoundly supportive. Allow emotional expression where pupils need to know it is all right to cry.
- Allow the pupil’s peers to be supportive.
Useful links
Seasons for Growth A successful education programme that gives young people and adults the opportunity to learn that change, loss and grief are normal and valuable parts of life. The programme provides participants with the knowledge, skills and attitudes they need to understand and manage their individual experiences.
Originating in Australia, the programme can only be implemented by teachers who have undergone training. For further information, contact the UK co-ordinator for the programme at:
The Notre Dame Centre
20 Athole Gardens
Glasgow
G12 9BA
Telephone: 0141 339 2366
E-mail: sfg@notredamecentre.org.uk
Web: www.notredamecentre.org.uk
Barnardo’s Scotland Rollercoaster Service
Rollercoaster provides support to children, young people and their carers affected by trauma, bereavement and loss. Rollercoaster has services in Dundee and Aberdeen as well as an outreach capacity across Scotland.
Rollercoaster provides therapeutic support utilising the interventions of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) therapy and Solution Focused Brief therapy, as well as other approaches that are useful when working with children and young people.
Rollercoaster provides training and consultation through the Key 2 Connect programme. Rollercoaster also showcases screenings of the Film 'Dead Right!', which raises awareness of trauma, bereavement and loss.
For further information regarding any of Rollercoaster’s services please contact:
Steve Sweeney
Children’s Service Manager
Rollercoaster
Dryburgh Resource Centre
Napier Drive
Dundee
DD2 2TF
Telephone :01382 436621
E-mail: Steve.sweeney@barnardos.org.uk
Supporting Bereaved Young People
Materials for guidance teachers and others working with young people and their families, designed to support bereavement counselling.
Cruse Bereavement Care Scotland
A charity offering free and confidential bereavement support and care to people who have experienced the loss of someone close.
